Taking the plunge.

I just sent out my manuscript. I'm a little nervous. A little excited. I'm still not 100% certain that it's ready for the agent to look at it. I was more ready to send it to her right after I wrote it, but I think I made myself nervous about it since then. Part of it is because she keeps telling me to take my time and somehow that's mentally translating to: "You're obviously nowhere close to ready to show this to me." When in fact I probably am and I'm probably just looking for problems where none exist.

At this point, I don't know what else to fix and my betas are quieter than Baileville in a blizzard. I actually think I'm starting to be more of a hindrance than a help to myself. I'm getting headaches from reading my manuscript upside down and backwards in search of what needs to be fixed. The beta readers say it's tight and flows. No one seems to have any problems with the adjustments I've added. The only negative feedback I've gotten seem to be stylistic preferences from reader to reader. I really had to sit down and ask myself, what else can I do with this. And, other than sitting on it for another few months in the hope that inspiration smacks me in the nose, nothing. So I just have to let my baby walk into the spotlight and hold my breath. Tomatoes or roses? The world is watching.

Of course, there could very well be problems. There could be plenty that neither the betas or I caught. That tends to happen when you've read the same thing eight times over. And then there is the dreaded fear that somehow I didn't understand what my agent suggested I fix and I made a whole bunch of changes that weren't necessary. However, I think that's unlikely.

All I can do is sit back and pray that what I've sent is gold and the line-editing process wont take a million years. I realize that the publishing industry is slower than molasses in January, but I need something to move forward.

That's my other realization: Other than coming to understand that sometimes you just have to jump and hope you land on your feet, I've realized that being frozen in mid-air -- eyes locked on the target, but ETA unknown -- isn't any better than standing on the cliff -- uncertain if you'll ever even take the plunge. In fact, I'm finding it worse.